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Fathers Day

Mothers day sermons – Moms are awesome and dads needs to step it up
Fathers day sermons – Moms are awesome and dads needs to step it up

Story – Rafa, Luka and Dominic being born

My wife went 2 weeks past her due date. Rafa was born in our home, under strenuous circumstances

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

The way a child should go is to go where his or her God given gifts lead them in life. If fathers are spiritually bored and burnt out its difficult to know where your child should go. It takes insight, tenderness and wisdom to hear the cry of a childs heart.

  • My kids love vanilla ice cream, they didnt like Chocolate for a while, if I try to force them to like chocolate when vanilla is readily available they can become frustrated.
  • It’s like trying to deposit pesos into an american bank.

How do we train our children?

  • Consistency in what we say and what we do. If you say it, do it! Be on time and make commitments. DON’T question MOMMY “FATAL ERROR”
  • Investing T-I-M-E, how kids interpret Love.
  • Repent often! When you do something wrong, say it’s wrong. Children forgive and it teaches them a safe and healthy way to confess.
  • Tell them what Jesus is telling you. (Beatitudes)

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Admonition – warning and authoritative. He is the final authority.
Let your children to see that you also submit to the fathers authority.

When we read Ephesians 4-6 we have to understand that it is in relationship to everything said in Ephesians 1-3

Ephesians 1-3 How believers are loved.

Ephesians 4-6 How we are called to live. With the understanding that we are loved.

Ephesians 4:1

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called

He means in light of everything I said before (1-3), respond in this way. Recieve following instruction with the understand that you are loved and are operating in the grace of the father.

What paul calls believers to in ephesians 4-6 is only possible by how believers are loved in ephesians 1-3

Ephesians 1:6

to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

Without the foundation and paradigm of grace and love that Paul establishes in Ephesians 1-3, the latter half of his letter becomes a “to do” list that condemns. As we believe that we are “accepted in the Beloved” (Ephesians 1:6), we become free at the heart level to engage in the grace of God without condemnation related to our failure or inadequacy.

How do we provoke our children?

  • Setting unrealistic expectations
  • Consequences that go beyond the offense
  • Not following through on what we say
  • Giving them “what” without the “why”

TV time “The Why” in the VanDerLinden home

I was building a farm house table this week and Rafa my oldest son started talking to me about TV shows and characters in a video game. And I said to him, that TV and media time is fun but it shouldn’t be your highest priority because it shifts your inner dialog.

  • You think about the next time you will engage media.
  • You dwell on the story you engaged.
  • You talk about the story to other people.
  • You will fantasize about a fake world and disengage from a real one.
  • But the fake show, with the fake characters and the fake storyline rarely ever produce real fruit in our lives.

Our minds we created for more.

  • Our minds were meant to create,
  • Our minds were meant to explore new opportunities.
  • Our minds are meant to be challenged.

My wife comes out to look at the table and she was impressed the first thing she says to the kids. “Look what you can accomplish when you don’t waste your time on video games and TV.”

Story – DONT TOUCH IT! Rafa Window Sill Table Saw

Malachi 4:6

And he will turn The hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers,

  • Filling out hospital forms, kids birthdays and SSN
  • Taking the kids to the ER (let bleed out)
  • A mothers heart is turned.

The key to healthy relationships with our children is developing long term trust.

  • A single failure doesn’t make a relationship Don’t condemn yourself
  • Stick to the long vision, be committed to your child’s immediate and long-term choices

Matthew 7:7-12

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

Matthew 19:14

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

“Because I said so” doesn’t cut it. Every question from a child is an invitation to go deeper in relationship with them. Answering questions and giving the deeper answers in authority structures builds a confidence in your child that they can trust you. That you not only have reasons, but you have answers to hard questions. It is healthy for children to view their parents as wise, and it is wisdom to give answers to questions that provide the why behind the what.

When we don’t give good answers to our children we shift their inner dialog and how they process in 3 ways.

  1. Mom and dad do not provide real answers to deep questions.
  2. Mom and dad keep secrets, because they don’t want me to have fun.
  3. Mom and dad will hold me back from what I really want.

Kids drill down with questions because at their core they want to know who their mommy and daddy are.

Every time your child asks “why” they are truly asking for you to express yourself in a deeper way to them. Take the bait. This is how a child builds his or her relationship with you.

By answering the questions consistently when they are young you are building a history of trust and also developing a deeper intimacy with your children

If we only give 1-dimensional answers for difficult questions, as they get older, they will no longer ask, the invitation to relationship with them will diminish. They will ask their friends, their boyfriends, their girlfriends, social media.

Matthew 7:7-12

[a]Ask, and it will be given to you; [b]seek, and you will find; [c]knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you [d]who, when his son asks for a loaf, [e]will give him a stone? 10 Or [f]if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!

  • Jesus thats a stupid question
  • Jesus is actually pointing to two of the primary sources of income in Isreals culture Grain Farmers and Fishers
  • Both provide sustinance and require skills to aquire
  • Bread in this instance represents long term goals, vision and relationship
    • Requires long term planning
    • Plant the wheat
    • Wait for it to grow
    • Harvest the wheat, grind the weat, then make bread
    • The benefits and rewards are long term that require patience and stamina
    • Unlike fish, grain can be stored for long periods of time ( Long term oppritunities, hard work and effort)
    • If you fail at farming you need to start over. Do we offer help?
    • What are our childrens long term visions and goals?
      • What do you want to do? (Monster Truck Driver)
      • How do they relate to the Lord
      • Are we teaching them Matthew 22:37-38
    • Do we give them a stone? A heavy burden, long term weight.
      • Let them figure life out on their own
      • Let them navigate their relationship with the Lord prayer, worship etc. by themselves
      • Don’t provide any input or direction to the dreams of their heart
  • A fish represents short term goals and vision and relationships
    • Go fishing today
    • Catch fish today
    • Eat fish today
    • The benefits and rewards are immediate and are the building blocks of relationship (Stole the mints)
    • Fish cannot be preserved for long periods of time (New oppritunities every day)
    • If we fail at fishing, we can immediately try again (Dust off)
    • What are our childrens short term visions and goals?
      • Whats your favorite color
      • Who is your best friend
      • What is your favorite thing to do
      • What was your favorite thing you did today
    • Do we give them a snake? A snake does immediate damage, strikes fear and bites.
      • Not giving them the time of day
      • Letting them deal with rejection and insecurities on their own
      • Making them problem solve on their own

Fishing

  • When we teach them, we teach them it’s okay to fail and try again.
  • We teach them to be patient and wait.
  • We teach them what bait to use and WHY,

Snake

  • When we let them figure it out on their own we make the susceptible to bitterness and defeat
  • the storms of life will poison them, they wont have the courage try again after failure
  • They will always remember the sting of failure and loneliness

Bread

  • We have already planted the seeds and (we can teach them how to prepare for your future)
  • we have harvested the crop (we can share with them life skills)
  • We have reaped the benefits of the crop with nourishment (reaping the benefits of hard work)

Stone

  • Is a burden to carry. A child will always carry a fathers stones because of admiration. Even if the stone is hindering the child.
  • A stone is a symbol of death usually placed on a the grave of a loved one to mark a visit. When we give our children stones we are communicating a passive influence on their life.

As long as your kids are asking you questions, you will have a place of influence with them.

  • Sex
  • Drugs
  • Death
  • Fitting in
  • Suicide
  • Depression

What if this was Jesus approach to his relationship with us? Because I said so? How often would we ask questions, Jesus longs for us to ask deeper questions.

If your kids no longer ask you questions, ask them.

  • What do you want to be?
  • What are your goals?
  • Who do you want to be like?
  • What is your favorite song?
  • Who is Jesus to you?

Kids spell Love like this T-I-M-E

Who can resist a savior that pursues you when you have no interest in him. Who can resist a savior who that doesnt stop when your nailing him to the cross.

2 Timothy 3:1-5

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

The patience of the Lord

The real point is that the Lord does not exasperate us. The enemy does, and we also exasperate ourselves.